4 Faces of the Liquor Lurker—Get to Know the Thing That Wants You Drunk

The Liquor Lurker never appears as some vague figure in silhouette, skulking around in a dark alley smelling of stale gin, stalking you. No. No. 

The thing that wants you drunk comes in the form of a sophisticated mechanism in your psyche — a cunning creature whose sole purpose is to get you to drink. 

This seemingly smart entity peruses in the deep recesses of your mind. With its sighs and lies, it knows precisely how to justify why you should imbibe in that refreshing mai tai. Even though you never liked mai tais.

It‘s like another head inside your head— masked, and kind of scary at times.

Getting to know the Liquor Lurker—the machinery in your brain that manufactures reasons why you should drink — is key to long-term sobriety. 

Want to take a closer look at the Liquor Lurker now? 

A lot of literature points to alcoholism as being a progressive disease that is never “cured” but only arrested with abstinence. If you believe this, then you would agree:

Those suffering from alcoholism must dispose of any lurking notion that they can drink like normal folks.

Enter the Liquor Lurker. The notion maker. The thought supplier that sells you ideas such as, “You don’t have a problem with alcohol,” or, “You can have just one.”

You may chuckle at this but as you probably know, nothing is funny about the actual suffering we’ve experienced in our drinking days. 

But the Liquor Lurker doesn’t care about your pain around drinking. In fact, it wants to convince you that drinking will alleviate your suffering, or add more positive feelings to your already fine mood. And how does it do this? Like any good salesman, it has multiple tactics.

Now let’s e examine some of the sneaky ways — and four faces of — the…Liquor Lurker.

Face #1) The Liar 

The Liar (AKA — One Statement Wonder) will tell you anything in one quick swoop to get you to believe you can drink again. 

The one statement may sound kind of convincing — if you don’t look at any evidence. In fact, the Liar counts on you not thinking about any past consequences or demoralization.

It’ll says things like:

 “Drinking is not a problem for you,” or, “It wasn’t that that bad,” or, “You can stop after one.”

Ridiculous, right? 

In this moment, if you are committed to staying sober, you‘re laughing at the Liar’s fare. But in a vulnerable moment, who knows? You might actually believe the crock — and do the deed. That’s why it is super important to remember the consequences of drinking that one drink. (And really, were you ever satisfied with just one?)

Without reflecting on the reality of what happens to us while drinking, we are almost sure to drink again. And for many of us, to drink is to die.

Face #2) The Rationalizer 

When the Liar can’t convince you to drink in one statement, the Rationalizer steps in and pipes up with a more logical approach.

This seemingly rational one is quite the trickster. A very close cousin to the Liar, this one also lies, and justifies, but in a cagey way with more words. Think “rational-lies.”

When you feel under the influence of this little devil, with its oddly twisted thinking and smokescreen of wily words, you hear things such as:

“You’ll be the odd man out if you don’t drink at the wedding, and besides, toasting is the polite thing to do — no, the right thing to do.”

Or, 

“You only blackout when you drink hard liquor —so, drinking a few beers will be just fine.”

Or (my personal darlings),

“You were so young when you got sober — it was probably just a phase.” 

And, 

“You never tried a Long Island Ice Tea and everyone deserves to try that drink once in their lives.”

The Rationalizer’s way? Lob some nonsensical logic your way and hope you go for the juice.

But again, taking the drink is like pushing the self-destruct button. As you push that button, you smash your self esteem below ground. 

So, the point on which we win in sobriety? 

Laughing at all those rationalizations and seeing them for what they are — hot air coming from an extremely unreliable, shifty and source. And we don’t drink.

Face #3) The Negotiator

This shrewd one makes deals. Pretty simple.

The deals often come with “If-then” propositions (but not always).

“You’ve proven you can stay sober for two months. How about have a few drinks every few months to celebrate as a reward?” (If you stay sober two months at a time, then you can reward yourself every two months.)

Or, 

“Just don’t drink with your boyfriend. Drink only with friends. That way, your boyfriend won’t get mad at your drinking because he won’t see you drinking.” (If you don’t drink around your boyfriend, then he will be okay, and you can keep drinking.)

Or, 

“If I drink only on weekends, I can get all of my work done during the week.”

(Note the pronoun change to “I” in that last statement. The Liquor Lurker, with whatever mask it wears, will change the pronoun to I at times, trying to convince you that it is you. But you are YOU.)

Any bargaining thoughts — however wacky — aim to talk you out of sobriety and back into — you guessed it — knocking back into your throat whatever drink you can get your hands on.

Taking that drink though, as we know, ultimately kills the YOU in you.

Face #4) The Pity Pooper

This guy, the Pity Pooper (AKA the Victim or PP) makes drinking the solution for what may be a troubling problem or situation.

The thrust of the PP’s argument in favor of drinking goes something like: 

“If you had my life, you’d drink, too.” 

Or, 

“Nobody knows what it’s like to be me.”

(Note, again, the pronoun change to “my” and “me.” The PP can really wedge into your psyche and get you confused as to who is running your life. It’s a good idea to listen real hard to the language rattling around in your brain. It may be the PP trying to hijack YOU.)

Soon, the PP hopes, you will be drinking again, and again and again. The victimized guy just wants you to stay drunk. No lies, no rationalizations, no deals. Just “poor me” a drink.

What to do, though, if you don’t want to drink and don’t want the victim in charge? Oh, there is so much you can do. 

That’s what sober living — and a life in recovery — is all about. Doing stuff that will help you stay free from going back to alcohol where spiritual or real death is guaranteed. 

So, get to know YOU, and the Liquor Lurker, too, in all its disguises.  

But always, the most important thing to do is, “Don’t drink no matter what.” And, I would add, “No matter what the Liquor Lurker tells you.”